dying inside

Why is everything have to be so confusing. I'm so mentally weak!
and I hate it in myself. I wish I could see in the way you all see so I wouldn't see the things inside me. Fear.

I just don't know what I need.


_____
It's natural that a person behaves differently in his house when he is alone and otherwise in a public place. each of us has somewhere hidden "characters", sometimes very contradictory. 
it's not wrong. I include myself to them. 

Today's photo session was based mainly on our characters.

there is a lot of loneliness... 

isolation... 

we have those moments in your life when you feel that you need someone... excess is bad ... also lack of

existence

I swear that you could hear it.

I planned a little different photo shoot but there were some "complications"

I will not tell you what it was because it's too silly.

Photography which might be called: 

"dissociative identity disorder" 

This is the main issue.  

if you think you know yourself. 
Try to imagine a person with multiple personality...
I wish I had a pleasure to talk with such a person. 
I think these pictures would be for me more important. in this case it was an experiment. My "theater".

but it is good! as before, doing a project about "suicides" I haven't met such a person... the only thing I knew- the stories told by my mother (she is an expert in these matters) 

TAKE CARE! 

the cage was a place I belong

I'm officially a photographer! nothing has changed

think a little differently

 now 

just afraid to lose the passion that I had while I was in school. looking for topics.

think it's a good time to create a full portfolio. 

new project... 

 still think...where to start.. what will be my crutch...

and where will be my limit...

I have limits - and thank for it.

Pope still not chosen

it will be time when I start writing the entire report of my work. currently I don't know what I'm doing.

Take Care! 

Space Is Only Noise

officially finished my set of photographs "Understatement"

feel a little lighter... I don't know if I could add something more... these 5 photograph perfectly illustrates my attitude to the subject which I undertook - suicide.

much better to have photographs close, on paper, not only on the computer .. today I sleep with them. 

I'm not sick.

few more days and break... 

not mean lying in bed all day, don't like it.

 more time to think. new projects. 

maybe I will visit England on this holiday. I will write formally on my facebook site. So if you are from the UK, be ready!!!

________________

Nicolas Jaar in the background... fantastic melody.

 I didn't plan to write today. 

but after the first song something came over me...

I will not write a lot. even today I have to describe my work. Tomorrow presentation.

 Three beers and I take the action! Hold on!

Untitled

A big thank you for the 50,000 views on my blog!

 I don't adds posts too often but somehow you enter here! Thanks! 

If I would talk about everything that happened to me these days I probably wouldn't have finished write this post today :P 

So I'll just say the most important things ;)

Recently I took part in a photo session for the 

REdesigned Stories FActory ;) check out this T-shirts! recommend!

Great team, great atmosphere... and it's not the end of cooperation with this brand - more soon! :)

Here is backstage photo: 

+Lord Guan 

and during the break... 

except that I took another photo shoot inspired by the "X-Men"!

 I hope that not only I look forward for the premiere of the new part!  X-men "Days of future past"! Here is our vision of "Storm" but in the men's release ;) 

This wasn't planned that I will be in the photo but besides us there was one person so I set the camera and gave it to my friend! why not! 

haha, just don't laugh! :P I tried to! ;) 

if we are talking now about the super heroes and super powers... my friend (model in my photos) creates a unique wand!! :P 

I got my own wand some time ago! :) great job! he plans to give them to online shop so if you dream about your own wand - follow me! :) If I knew something more I will write!

Weekend is coming so... wish you all the best! 

 btw my facebook site has 80.000 likes! believe it?! 

whooaah! 

Take Care! 

unusual look...

I will soon finish my project "understatement"

story of a man who committed suicide...

 for unknown reasons(for us)

______________

 I love to create my own story for my photography. 

I give them life. 

once said in an interview why I like to photograph... 

I said then that I can be a "God" and so it is!

my own created characters...

 There is only one problem... I don't know what will be the end of the story contained in the pictures...

at the same time I set myself another goal... 

 want to take a picture of loneliness, isolation...

but I knew (from the beginning) that I don't want to show the situation, some events which we can easily find the topic. 

I don't like when something is so perversely obvious.

portrait of loneliness...

ok! so a little contrast now!  

few beautiful women ;)

taken recently: 

 

Have a nice weekend friends!

 Thanks for support! 

77.000 folowers on facebook soon!

Take me

I didn't realize that it is so hard... what am I thinking? 

I have photographs...  like a medicine... 

I'm just afraid of words 

I'm glad to have found another way to express

people don't understand... people just stare, they see...

 say: it is strange .. but cool... because it is strange.

I very rarely write what I had in my mind while taking photos. 

I wanted to show something... some stories, people should be curious about this if they like it... should go deeper!

 what inspired me... but people just like it. click this button and... finally! I'm sure they have no idea about the fact that the photograph is not just a photograph... 

it's my words.

it's my history, sometimes imaginary... so what? 

 This is not just a piece of "eletronic" "piece"...

I give them life, give them a personality...

 give stories without end... 

I have no idea what is the end... 

this photo was taken a few days ago... 

I thought about the man who has his home, family... happy family. work ... if I was his a neighbor I'd thought he should be proud of what he has. 

he eats dinner with his family, and he says: I'm going for a walk...

and never come back. 

later we learn that he committed suicide. 

I've heard a lot of these situations. 

and l just can't understand it... I know that - is always a reason... 

but his act is a secret for the family... They probably never know the real reason... and this photograph show this...

 torn line... it isn't fully finished thing... 

is interrupted at some point, stopped...

_____________________

another photograph

    photo session with my photographer... 

usually is the opposite :P

    she's my "facebook" photographer! 

                            project "show me your smell" (three pics)

and at the end... this beautiful girl :)
so you don't think about my pictures of human bodies :P 

TAKE CARE! 

and thanks for the support! :)

 We've got 70.000 likes on facebook!! :) 

I promise that one day we will drink together! 

unfinished

 and everything behind me... 

  sometimes I'm just afraid of people. 

noticed that quite recently... I started to be aware of this when I pass them on the street. I'm afraid their sight. I always look down when someone avoids me. why do they look? what they think looking at you?

even in the pub, when you sit with your friends...and someone else says something... why do they look when you don't say anything! At such moments, I would like to turn around... View of a wooden tabletop would work for me better... definitely.

  I don't like people. 

I like loneliness...much more... sit alone... or with my dog​... 

I don't mind. 

each time it gets worse. I hope that my mental "stupidity" will not develop... I hope I won't have to run and go another way when someone will be in front of me... 

Then I really start to be afraid of myself.

I see this view a thousand times a day... I'm addicted

and unfinished drawings...

for some time I won't be finishing them... 
later... as something comes to mind...
I'll take them again or I'll start to draw something new... and again. don't finish them.
it is normal... 



I will show you some new photos soon
from the "zombie boy" session. + "behind the scene" video. 

Take Care! and thanks for 68.000 on facebook! 

Such emptiness...

I have to admit that this free time has given me a lot...

  I won't be talking about my Christmas.. uf.

topic that interests me the most... smell! 

the smell of human flesh!

I know...sounds awful... 

currently have only two photos.

I haven't so much time so every spare time spend on planning! this photos should be different...  what a job!

the best part is that I do it to pass the (photography)exam... 

but I feel immense pleasure reading various materials of human cadaver odor... the most important for me is to do something for myself... Recommend you all! every little moment to sacrifice the things you love... what a feeling!!! probably many of you have a hobby and knows what I'm talking about;)

besides, I've taken my friends some photos... 

feel bad... don't know what I really want, don't know is it good what I'm doing...        fucking life!

I guess I really need someone to take my hand and show me everything... tell me what to do... as a child...

I am terribly afraid that I... can't stand this strain...

every step hurts... and this damn uncertainty!!

Why I say this?? 

you don't know me... 

 maybe it is good that college begins again...  

and photo shoot inspired: Hobbit and elves

and finally:

Thank you for your support! 60,000 on facebook!

Take Care!  

and wish me mental health